Browse:Wears His Pants Backwards (Volume 1, entries 858)
Wears His Pants Backwards
Volume 1, entries 858. Source context: THE DOCTORS AT WORK: REPORTS FROM LAYMEN → THE DOCTORS THEMSELVES: BIRTH TO DEATH: DESCRIBED BY LAYMEN. Entries listed under this heading in the source volume.
Entries
Entry 858
I was goin' to school. It was two girls. Well, I cared for both of 'em but it was one I re'lly liked bettah. De lady's livin' today, the one tha' hurt me. An' she wanted me to marry dis girl because it was her niece, but de other girl I liked her bettah. An' so we were schoolmates. De girl I care more for, well she'd [she was the] one I kep' right up [with] in mah class. An' so afterward it come to pass, the lady, which dis girl was her niece, she sol' wine an' stuff. Well, I liked wine. Well, mah mothah an' her seemed to be purtty good frien's. Why? Becuz she want me to marry her [niece] I reckon, becuz mothah had a little property an' stuff like dat an' I was de only child mah mothah had, you know. So I reckon she t'ought she'd tie me up, but still I loved de othah girl. An' so after school broke up, so de words got out - she says Carrie an' I was gon'a get married. As fer as I could learn, this lady said, "Well, if you don't marry her, why you're not gon'a marry anybody else." "So I was at her house an' should of notice it but I didn't. I didn't notice it. We boys go down dere on Sunday, you know, in de country - you know Sunday's a big time in de country. I goes down there on Sunday an' we run in an' we'd have a little drinks. I nevah did pay fer mine. I didn't pay any 'tention but it seemed very funny. But aftah I got hurt, den I re'lize what had happen I nevah did have to pay fer my drinks. An' it went on fer a period about two mont's. But in de third mont' I commence to drinkin', I begin to go bad - I feel bad. An' so mah mothah called de doctor an' de doctah come an' she ast him what was de mattah with me - which was a country doctor, Dr. Williams, which is livin' today. He did the best he could. [I apologize for my comment at the beginning of No. 646, p.218 - here is the second person to say a kind word about a doctor and his medicine.] An' so it seem like de more his medicine I took de worser I got. So he says to mah mothah one day, he says, "Ida," he says, "I don't know what's de mattah with de boy. I can't do him no good an'," he says, "the best thing tha' I know fer to do, is to send him de hospital." Well, before tha' mothah sent me de hospital, came ole man name of Ole Man Stuckey - he's dead, he's a white fellah called a faith doctor. He came in an' so mothah ast 'im some instruction about mah case. So Mr. Stuckey [Mr. for a white man] looked at me an' he said, "Well, Ida," he say, "tha' boy hurt." He says, "He's hurt." An' she says, "How you mean?" He said, "Well, somebody have put a spell on him." She says, "Mr. Stuckey, what will happen to him?" He said, "Well, you'll have to see some root doctor becuz a medical doctor is no good." So he referred to ole man Frank Bethe, Dunn, North Carolina, which is not quite a hunderd mile from here. I guess it'll run between ninety an' a hunderd. "I guess we kin git dat boy [well] if you kin git dat boy dere," he said, "Ole Man Frank will see him." Dat's de root doctor. [Here is one of the few documented cases - among numerous possible ones - of a person looking about for clients to send to a root doctor, a doctor almost one- hundred miles distant. The woman in No. 10, p.7, also went to Dunn, 24 miles northeast of Fayetteville where she then lived. Does the person sending in patients receive a kickback? As I from personal experience have explained in the Introduction, it is not easy to find or meet a doctor without a go between.] So mah stepfathah had a little ole Buick automobile. He takes dat ole car an' he goes on to Dunn. So, aftah we got in front of the door, stopped de car, Ole Man Frank walks out. He's a ole man who wears his pants backwards - de front part of his pants is backward. Dat's a'showing, de sign dat he's a root doctor, indiff'rent [diff'rent] from anybody else. Not all of 'em will do dat. So it was five of us in de crowd. He walks out, "That fellah there, he's hot [has a spell on him]." That was before I had said anything to him. An' so Ole Man Frank he turnt around to mah stepfathah an' says, "Well, why don't choo buy you some tires?" Mah stepfathah says, "I got purtty good tires." He says, "Wha choo had two punctures for?" Well, we did had two. We run ovah a nail - it was in a board, it was two punctures, but the punctures were all at de same time but two holes. So mah stepfathah he didn't git [didn't understand] - he said, "I haven't had but one puncture." He says, "You have." He says, "No, I haven't stopped but one time to fix tires, I didn't stop no more." He says, "You had two holes in that tube didn't you?" Mah stepfathah says, "Yes." He says, "Well, you all kin march in an' line up." So we lined up. Now, we walked straight on in past the first and second room and stopped in the third [see the three little rooms in my interview of Informant 1532 of Memphis]. An' he had a long bench an' a nice line of chairs on the left-hand side. He says, "You wanta sit on that long bench?" We all sit on de bench. So we went on in an' we did jis' as he said. Well, he wasn't in there at present then. Well, we was in there awhile there came a light. It was a light lit up the room. It come jes' about dark when we got there. I didn't see [a] light - I didn't see no lamp or nuthin. The room lit up an' aftah the room lit up 'an [= than = then] the light went right out. The ole man aftah awhile come in. He walked on down the crowd and looked ovah them [for the culprit] - before I go any further I'll tell you what was said. This ole man had a very nice lookin' daughter. You know exactly how mens will talk about 'em, about womenfolks. When we was comin' up in the car, one of the boys said, the same boy that was drivin' the automobile, a man, he said, "I would like to, for dat girl to be mine. I'd like to be wit her." So, [we] was waiting for Ole Man Frank to appear when we first come in. Ole Man Frank come in and he says, "There's one of you fellahs" - he say, "who was it spoke slack about her?" Nobody didn't say anything. He looked directly at us an' said, "Listen," he say, "I want you to treat mah house with respect." He say, "I didn't think you comin up here for any devilment or disrespectable manner." He says, "I thought youse comin' up here to bring this patient." He say, "Wha' choo wanna come here an'" he said, "you said when you saw mah daughter aroun' the edge of the field there tha' choo wanted to be with 'er." Well, God knows he said so. Well, I said [to myself], "This ole man here knows somepin." [My informant's reaction, contained in the preceding underlined words, is just what Frank wanted - the mysterious light and two punctures also preparing for it. This reminds me of a man interviewed in Petersburg, Virginia; former owner of a traveling medicine-show - himself, a traveling-bag, and great experience. As a part of the tune-up for the sales-pitch, he would call out to an old man in the audience; first having secretly learned his name and local reputation. Pointing at the man, "You, out there, old Uncle Ben Smith! [[Dramatic pause.]] Everybody for miles knows you - knows you're a honest man. But, you don't look too healthy to me. Don't be frightened! I'm going to tell you what's the matter with you. Better, I'm going to give, present you with a free bottle of my medicine, which will cure you before morning. First, however, I'm going to ask you a question. These people know you will give me a truthful answer. Listen carefully. Every night, don't you have to get up and go outside to the bathroom?" The old man shouted, "Amen! AmenI That's the truth! This man knows somepin!"] An' so I sat down there awhile. He'd stopped you from sayin' anything. He said, "You go here and sit in that chair." I sit on the chair. I was sittin' [in] chair I reckon 'bout five minutes. He say, "Kin you read?" I says, "Yes." He handed me a book. He says, "Why don' choo read?" I started to readin'. I didn't know thing - I was asleep: He put ever'body in the room asleep: [If a buzzard can row Doctor Buzzard's boat - see margin-title Doctor Buzzard - don't be too skeptical.] Well, I woke up before anybody - he woke me up first. Ever'body sittin' over there asleep - snorin'. Then he ast me mah trouble. [He did nothing of the sort as we will see.] He says, "I knowed it was a black woman that's put a spell on yah," and he say, "it's two girls you was goin' with, one of them's daughter [niece] an' she jes' put a spell on you." He says, "I know exactly what's the matter with you. [Doctor Frank is merely repeating the information he had received in a letter from the white-man faith-doctor, Ole Man Stuckey. The latter could have sent the letter sometime before he called on the prospective patient - he says, "Ole Man Frank will see him.] He says, "I'm not goin' wake a one up in the house now until I fix you." He says, "You got any money?" I says, "Well, yes, I got a little bit." He says, "I don't want a dime but, '" he said, "I'm goin' fix yeh." [Frank is now preparing to advertise himself in the patient's community.] I says, "Well, Frank [I doubt that!]," I says, "I'll have to pay you, won't I?" We all knowed his name. You could see the big letters all around the wall - F-R-A-N-K B-E-T-H-E, Frank Bethe. He set down. "Well," he say, "I'm goin' fix it for you." He say, "I'll fix what I'm gon'a use." He said, "You jis' take mah money an' carry it on the back of your house, on the east end, an' put it in a piece of paper - don't bury it - a piece of newspaper an' wrap it up," he says, "I'll git it." [He means] back of mah house aftah I get back home - don't live in no Wilmington, I lived with mah mothah. I lived in Castel [North Carolina]. [What Doctor Bethe should have said, "My co-worker, white-man faith doctor, Ole Man Stuckey, will pick it up for me some night."] [A doctor picking up his fee at a distance or through the air is not rare - see No. 13, p.12 and in Index, Doctor fee.] And so I reckon I'd have spells right aroun' eight an' nine o'clock at night. It was gittin' roun' eight or nine o'clock then and I commence havin' a spell, commence gittin' dizzy an' funny an' sort of shakey, jis' like I ever was. [The Spell happens at the same time it was cast - see margin-title 11:30-5:30 Trains.] [This dizziness could explain his being put to sleep - a sudden blackout.] He come an' put his hand ovah mah forehead an' ever'thing's bright [the bright light again] an' I could look up an' talk to him till he say, "Well, I think ever'thing will be all right." And he told me to go home an' put dat money dere. He ast me how far I lived from there [Dunn]. I told him where I lived. He says, "If you live less than a hunderd miles, I kin work for you aftah I send you home. He couldn't work over a hunderd mile wid jore cast - it had to come in the percentage of a hunderd-mile list before that he could reach you case. But - he didn't want to work on you in his house. And so I left him that night. He told me, he said, "Now, you go on home and in the mornin'," he said, "you won't have any more of these spells but," he said, "you'll be weak for ovah a week." He fixed me a bottle before I left there. And so he told me about this bottle he fixed - the bottle of medicine. He told me, he says, "Now, I want you take this at nine o'clock in the morning [reverse magic - opposite to nine o'clock at night]. I wants you to take on Eastern Standard Time [just to be different or mystifying or to allow for extra hour "eight or nine"]. I said, "Well, listen, I don't know if my clock is Eastern Standard Time or not." He say, "Well, I want choo to take the medicine by one o'clock." He say, "You take it nine o'clock by your clock, take it one the next, and three the next [odd hours] and then you'll git all right." And then he said, "I'll wan' choo to come back to see me aftah you put this money in the paper. So aftah I put the money in the paper like he tole me and commence takin' the medicine, I was goin' strong, feelin' good - I didn't have any more shaking spells. So I return back and I saw him and he told me, he say, "Lewis"-he called my name, I nevah told 'im mah name. He say, "Lewis," he say, "you're coming along all right now, aren't chah?" I told 'im, "Yes sir." Do you think you kin get your money?" I says, "Yes sir, I got it." [Several preceding pieces of bad recording, very short ones, confuse the flow of events here. I am copying the text from my original pencil transcription made soon after the cylinder was recorded; an original I will now attach to this final manuscript ready for publication. The money hidden in the newspaper was not the complete fee; it was two things - (1) more atmosphere, this for local advertising about a doctor who could pick up his fee at a distance, and (2) the kickback to Old Man Stuckey who picked it up. The real fee, no price set, to be paid later.] He say, "Well now, you owe me fifteen dollars. You got it?" I told him, 'Yes sir, I got it." I thought he was goin' to charge me about hunderd dollars. I'd been borr'in' money from ever'body in de neighborhood - the man I was workin' fer I done borr'ed fifty dollars from him, and the ole lady [mother] had to mortgage de place. [This borrowing is like the expression I had ever' doctor in town. So he said, "Well, all right, give me fifteen dollars." So I paid him. I say, "Weli, Doc," I say, "look here." I say, "That medicine done me so much good," I said, "what did you put in it?" He says, "Now, if you want me to learn you what to put in this medicine," he said, "I'll have to tell you but," he said, "it'll cost you five more dollars to learn about it." I says, "I'd rather pay you five dollars," says I, "cause I like to have some more of this medicine - you see, this bottle's gone." He says, "Now, if you'll stay up here this afternoon" - he says, "I'm busy." He say, "I like the folks [patients] to be here this part of the day [all healing is done with the rising sun] but, '' says, "if you'll stay up here dis afternoon, he says, "I'll show you the ingredients that I put in the bottle." So I decided. I told 'im yes I'd stay. And so that afternoon, after he got done with his business, him and I went on out in the woods. And so he got a root that's called Eve and Adam. He showed that 'erb which I knowed today - which I could go git a piece now in less than thirty minutes. He showed me the qroundhoa, the sow and the boar, that's a 'erb that grows - not de groundhog that we talk about, I mean dat fix up de weather - female and male. And de nex' 'erb he showed me was de high John de Conker; the nex', low John de Conker. He told me to take those things an' boil 'em for four hours, add one gallon of water to it and boil it till it come down to one quart [magic of diminishing amount]. Take it jes' 'fore sunrise and go out to de east corner of de buildin', sit de bottle down jes' before sunrise, take nine steps backwards, go back an' pick de bottle up, an' ever'thing will be O.K. until the sundown. Jes' a few minutes before the sun leaves the edges of the trees, take it and carry it away - walk nine steps backwards [pick up the bottle], walk direct west nine steps, turn back and your medicine is finish.
(Did he say how this woman had tricked you?)
Yes, sir. He told me she tricked me in drinkin'.
(He didn't tell you what she had put in it?)
Yes, he did, but I've nevah been able to do nuthin to her. But I'll nevah forgit de name he called it. He told me this woman had [gone] down side de back and got a weed that was called mint calZow[?]. That's what he told me. And he said she'd boiled the weed, that mint calZow, into a quart of water down to a pint [magic of diminishing amount] and he said she poured it into one quart of wine. And he said ever'time that I'd go there she'd give me to drink out of dat, and de rest de fellahs out of what she was sellin'. [I have a feeling that Doctor Frank was pleased to be rid of this patient. Once a woman on leaving me threw a fit out in the hall; again, two doctors out- side got into a fight - see Introduction. You don't want too much of this sort of thing. The preceding medicine-show man - my failure to take down the account of his work was one of my great failures - see Introduction.]